The Woman's Mental Load: Why you always forget your tea!

I recently made a silly little tiktok about reminding mums to finish making/drinking their tea, and the response it received made me realise just how much of a thing this is. But why is that??

Societal expectations placed upon women often create an invisible burden, known as the mental load. Traditional gender roles portray women as the primary caretakers of the family, responsible for managing household chores, child-rearing, and emotional labour. These expectations can lead to a disproportionate distribution of mental workload, wherein women are expected to remember and organise multiple tasks simultaneously. Consequently, the pressure to meet these expectations can overshadow personal needs, such as savouring a cup of tea, applying make up, or even going for a wee. Add to this the fact that over 75% of mothers in the UK also have jobs (ons.gov.uk 2021), and it's understandable that some things are going to get forgotten. 

Switching attention between multiple activities at once can lead to cognitive overload (especially if that mum also happens to be a tad on the neurospicy side). The constant need to prioritise and manage various responsibilities can surpass the capacity of working memory, resulting in unintentional neglect of the self. 

Motherhood involves significant emotional labor, encompassing the management of emotions, empathy, and nurturing. The constant emotional investment in caring for others can be mentally exhausting. Mothers may find themselves mentally preoccupied with the emotional well-being of their children and partners (as well as their friends, colleagues, clients, patients), leaving little room to focus on their own needs. In the midst of tending to the emotional needs of others, mothers may inadvertently overlook indulging in simple pleasures for themselves, or even feel guilty for considering them. 

Recognising the mental load experienced by mothers is crucial in promoting their overall well-being. Society must acknowledge and support mothers in balancing their responsibilities by sharing the mental load and challenging traditional gender roles. By fostering an environment that values self-care, mothers can prioritise their needs (including taking a moment to drink their tea) leading to improved mental health and a more sustainable approach to motherhood (which is better for the kids too!).

In short....make that Momma a cup of tea and give her 20 minutes alone time to drink it. Trust me, it makes a difference.